When You Realize It’s The Job and Not You
Lately, I’ve been wrestling with a realization that’s left me feeling anxious: maybe the problem isn’t me—maybe it’s my job. I recently wrote an article that I needed to decompress because of the amount of burnout I’ve experienced. From being called in a lot to finding out a mass number of people were leaving, it’s a lot of stress my body is taking in.
Right now as I’m writing this post, I’m in the position of wanting to leave my job. Wondering if I should go back to my old one and if that’s a better choice right now. This line of thinking came when I realized as much as I’m working, it’s not helping me financially. When I first started working, it helped and the environment wasn’t as bad from the start.
With the holiday season over and I got to become a part of the permanent team. How I’d describe my workload: I feel like sometimes I’m carrying the load that could be distributed across five employees. Some companies dismiss the seasonal workers and keeps the hardworking ones.
I was lucky enough to make the cut and was super excited about it at the time. Not realizing later on that It’s a blessing and a curse. After doing some observing and checking in with myself, this is where I met with a grown-up decision.
The Realization and Eye-Opener
Now did I see myself ever think about going back to my old job? No. Once I hung up the apron, I was saddened when I didn’t see myself there anymore. I loved making coffees and being around the silliest people around my age! One thing next to another, I had to leave being a barista.
The emotion of remorse starts to creep in slowly and the thoughts flooded in. Was leaving really the best decision? Could I had endure everything going on? Would staying there helped my situation? As much as those thoughts bothered me, there’s nothing I can do now.
As I’m growing up, I realized that younger me would have let my pride stand in the way of my lesson of humbling. That me leaving was justified and the choice I felt so strongly about. But my decision landed me in a job that make me see that brought more stress and exhaustion.
Except now with things needing responsible choices and some accountability, that’s when I realized that it’s the job and maybe it’s time to move on. Here’s how growing up is helping me realizing small lessons such as this one.
The Job Environment Became Toxic
The company I work for is like many other similar companies where it’s about credit cards and not your performance. I found out that customer engagement is on the bottom of the totem pole, while getting them to apply for a credit card is more rewarding.
My position is well-rounded, meaning that I work almost every role in the store. I don’t mind it and it gives room for more hours, but more chances of getting on register. A couple months into the job, I learned that we have a system where every transaction is like a grading scale on opportunities we could have gotten someone to apply for the card. The system wants your score to be low and for every application is like 20 points that’ll lower your score.
Mine, however, is very high and every time I ask, it ruins the customer experience. Some customers get annoyed and wants to hurry me along so they can leave. I side with the customers on this one because not everyone wants a credit card. Or they have their own personal ones they’d rather use. How many other places they’ve gone to also ask the same question?
I try to not let it bother me, but once it gets to the name-calling or the yelling, that’s when I no longer care. Care as in that the company doesn’t really have my back. As long as I’m asking, then that’s all that matters.
How Do I Feel About This
I love my current job, but it’s the lack of support and it drains me mentally. There’s a lot of interactions as of recently that the customers have been berating me or my other coworkers. Or there are instances where my work is lacking because the priority is making sure the customers aren’t standing in line long. But then again, that’s the golden opportunity for someone else increasing the chances for more credit cards.
I’m not a person that seeks accolades or acknowledgements. Working for me is something that helps me financially. The plus is having good co-workers and the scheduling, but it does something within me once things become more deceiving.
Witnessing or having been told that we have to sell the credit card or use deceptive tactics is something I’m no longer comfortable with. It’s the way we use particular words or make it sound less like something that’ll ruin someone’s credit. That’s when I began to see it’s starting to get a little too toxic for me.
My values don’t align with using pressure or misleading tactics to encourage customers to sign up for something they may not fully understand. Or given the current state of the world, I don’t like being forced that I have to make someone sign up. It’s a sick mental trip, especially when it’s though the security of your job can be taken away. Or the amount of hours you get simply because you don’t get a lot of applications.
It’s like also like lying to customers and it’s something I would never do to anyone, especially if they were friends or family. I don’t care if this job pays me a lot. Is it worth staying at to play into the hand of becoming deceitful to everyday customers?
I Realized My Finances Aren’t Improving
This was my second reason as to why I have to make this choice on leaving my job. As much as I love it and the amount of time I’m there, it does not show in my paycheck. My job role is categorized as me being part-time but I work full-time hours. There have been many weeks where I’ve either gone into 30 hours or got called in on my off days.
It didn’t really bother me until it hit me when my family and I were trying to plan a family trip. I don’t get any PTO, in other words, paid time off because I’m part-time. Nor do I get none of the benefits like health insurances and other things.
For the entire week we would be away, I would have been behind drastically and had to play catch up. So we ended up scrapping the trip and moving it to another time where it’ll be best for us to go.
The Reality Check of my Job
Despite working close to full-time hours, my paychecks still aren’t stretching far enough to help me move forward financially. That may sound like a lot, but as someone who helps pay rent, grocery shops, and even pays for the internet, I’m always carrying at least $40 left until the following paycheck.
Trying to do the math and seeing how much I work as well as always being at work, it doesn’t pay off in terms of still needing to pay my debts. Or even maybe some attempt to be able to improve my credit score. It’s something I try to cope with and see the best in because I know I’m very grateful to have my job.
Most people right now most likely are still waiting to hear back from an employer. That’s why I ask myself, can I hold out a little longer even if my paychecks aren’t exactly helping?
It’s A Major Job Switch and Moral Here
I like to ask myself, “is there something wrong with me as to why I can’t keep a job?” Yes and no. The reason why I say yes is because I let my observation get the best of me and it doesn’t help me try to ignore the fact that I should just go to work and come home.
And the reason I said no is because I’m confronted with the reality that I’m driving myself insane with what’s required of me. Giving this job all my time, not finding proper time to rest, can’t even take time off if I needed it. That’s when I’ve decided that it’s enough.
As an adult, these are the many problems we face and struggles we have to be accountable for. I absolutely love my coworkers and team, is it going to hurt me to say goodbye? Absolutely. Am I willing to find something else in order to improve my situation? Most definitely. If I have to even become a lead somewhere or go to a place that pays less but a consistent schedule, I’m all for it.
Time to Play the Waiting Game
It’s more than just seeing the other layer of someone leaving a job. A lot of people have a lot going on personally and there’s only so much we will know. As for me, I’m faced with a decision that’s not going to be easy. Either way, I’m in it for the long run.
I don’t know exactly what decision I’ll make yet, but I do know that something has to change. Growing up means making difficult choices, even when they’re uncomfortable. For now, I’m taking things one day at a time and trusting that I’ll figure out the next step. I’m going to pray and ask God what I should do, what doors will help open and if it’s time to close this one.
I’ll keep you updated on what happens next and how life has been lately.
Until next time,
LOVE, MYA
