College: The Unready Feeling from High School to Adulthood
College is that chapter that one transitions into right after high school. It’s like that first step that lets us know that we officially made it to adulthood! Being able to go to university is another road towards learning who you are and enhancing your education.
You’re probably like me, someone who got really excited when you realized high school was almost over! Being (almost) close to becoming independent and creating those memories you tell to your future grandchildren. Or even like those old coming-of-age movies in the early 2000s of all those kids showing how fun college was going to be! That was totally me and I knew that the time was coming sooner rather than later.
All throughout my high school year, especially when I was a junior, my guidance counselors were helping us get ready for college. They held meetings at the beginning of the school year, asking us what we wanted to do after we graduated. Even though I had that kick of excitement, I wasn’t sure at the time what I wanted to do…
Would you believe me if I told you I didn’t decide until 2024? I graduated 2021 and didn’t attend school until January 1st of 2024. I know right, how to believe after I just said how excited I was! A lot was happening and I wanted to make sure I went about it right. How was it that I wasn’t ready to go to college?
My Experience On A College Campus
Going back to my junior year, we visited two universities in my state to get the “feel” of college life. Not going to lie, but being on the campus was amazing! Being seventeen and going on that tour, it puts another level of readiness you can’t exactly explain. Each school gave us a pamphlet, giving us information we could take home to look over and what we could look forward to .
I had opened one of the universities pamphlet and there were soooo many options on what you could major in! From nursing to learning new cultures to becoming a scientist to even teaching. My brain was scanning each degree and was like, “Wow, so many possibilities on what I could do with my life!”
Looking at all the contents in that little five page book stressed me out so much. A couple of weeks after our trip, they started going to our classes and wanting us to sign up for the SAT. They gave us waivers that we could use and I didn’t use mine. I knew that personally I wasn’t ready to take it. Dep down, I wanted to take it after I found out what I was majoring in.
The Idea of A Gap Year
Kids in my class were already saying what degrees they are going to pursue while I was sitting there, sad because I didn’t have a direction in life. What interested me? What am I good at? All these questions that filled my mind and oh the stress that came with me!
Knowing how indecisive I was, I didn’t want to be that person who changed up my major probably every two weeks! One of the college tours we went to, I asked in the group Q&A if it’s possible to take four majors at the same time and everyone laughed! I cringed with embarrassment but even then I knew it was a real problem… The amount of pressure I was putting on myself was pretty funny now that I’m older but thinking back, why was I in a rush?
Every time I went to my mother, I always asked her what I should do. My mother told me that I should take a year off and within that time, figure out what I want to do. It was a really good idea and you know what, I ended up taking the gap year. But it ended up being two years, haha! Here are some things I considered and thought about that helped me realize that uneasiness of feeling indecisive to being able to relax with my decision.
Wanting to Learn Who I Was First
During my middle and high school year, I morphed into someone I wasn’t to fit in. I was trying to please so many people and do things to make everything okay. I did all that I could: change my hair (flat-ironing my natural hair), raised my school uniform skirt to be shorter like the other girls, and even talked differently than I normally do at home.
When I say that I look at photos of who I was before compared to now, I honestly laugh at myself! How did I manage to let others change me? Mya then didn’t know that Mya now was honestly very cool. I knew that if I went into college right then, I would have most likely had a different path to life.
I lived that way for many years. With the help of pandemic, my realization that I was given an opportunity to focus on myself. Being indoors allowed me to sit still, learn to enjoy my company, and slowly peel back the disguise. I wanted to find the things I loved to do, work on ways to help or be around others with a facade, and so much more.
Feeling more sure with how I am now, I can genuinely say I’m more stronger and ready for what’s ahead. Knowing my own mind and laying out the premise of why I’d go to school allowed me to build the confidence I needed. College can be the beautiful chapter in my life I’d plant, especially with all the people I would get to meet and the clubs I can join. I just needed that extra layer of security for myself to give me that push I needed.
Figuring Out the Major that Fit Me
This would have been the biggest reason why I didn’t feel ready to do to school yet because I didn’t know what I wanted to do! When I was younger, my sister and I would play with our stuff animals being anywhere from a teacher, chef, and even a mother. Our imaginations were so wide that we’d never got bored and it was never a dull moment.
Reflecting on that, I partially used that as to how it might help me decide. Was my childhood playtime the ultimate decision decider? Absolutely no! From seventh grade all the way until my junior year, I interned for elementary classrooms. I enjoyed how fun it was and it inspired me to become a teacher.
When I mentioned prior that I had asked my mom on what I should do. We eventually had a heart-to-heart about my major. She helped me see that I was given a gift by God to write. It started when I was in first grade, my teacher held a conference with my mom telling her that I write beyond the level of the other kids. How I wrote a simple paragraph, I used descriptive words, added dialogue, and much more than what was required! She felt in her heart to tell my mom that I was an amazing writer and that’s what I was born to do.
Hearing that gave me the clarity I needed because it was right in from of me the whole time! I did enroll in online college for a little bit and English was the one subject I aced. I never had a problem with my english classes and I enjoyed my creative writings all through my time in school. It may have taken a few months to a year to decide. It was definitely worth it because I made my mind up to be an English major!
Grow and Live as a Daughter of Christ
I’ve grown up in the church almost all my life — mostly in and out. I’m the granddaughter of a pastor who owns a church, but at the time I used to find church boring. I’m being very honest because at the time I was a kid and didn’t really understand church or faith.
God has given me a path and I’ve gone through so much for the little time I’ve been on Earth. From being a child of custody, dealing with bullying, went through a pandemic, and so much more, God has always been by my side. He’s allowed me to go through some trials and tribulations, continuously shaping and molding me!
I thank all that He’s done for me and the fact that He’s always there. I wish to grow and get to know Him as well as Jesus.
Finding Peace with my College Decision
As of 2026, I’ve paused my college education and I’m considering transferring to a university after my family moves to this new state. The university, I’ve always loved and there’s this particular togetherness I get from that school. When I look back at all the time it took for me to go to where I am, I’m glad because now I can genuinely make good friendships and focus on my studies.
Even if I choose not to go to school, I’m already working on my gift of writing in my own right. God has planted this seed of me starting a blog somehow and look at where we are today. Growing into this woman He already knew I’d become as he knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I will never, ever say I regretted all the time I “missed out” while not going to school right after high school. I’d actually encourage anyone to take that year or time if they need it. Even if its like what I did to work or figure out if college is really for you and where you are in your life. I pray that everything will be shown to you accordance to God’s plan and that He’d help you see the way just as He did with I.
Thank you so much for reading and I can’t wait to update you guys with what happens next! I’ll catch you all next time! Have a great day/evening/afternoon and I’ll be back to update how my life has been lately!
LOVE, MYA
